“We’re just getting started!”

A word of warning: if you’re not caught up with the season debut of “The Walking Dead,” we have two things to say to you. 1) What are you waiting for? and 2) This review is rife with spoilers, so read no further if you’d like to experience the episode’s surprises firsthand! If you’d rather we just told you instead so you could prepare yourself emotionally, then hey, knock yourself out.

Here’s a picture of some great Greg Nicotero zombie makeups to conceal the spoilers below it long enough for the uninitiated to leave this post.

Glenn is dead. Abraham is dead. But more importantly, I repeat, GLENN IS DEAD. It’s always hard to lose a fan favorite, especially if that favorite is the husband and baby daddy of another fan favorite. But there are even more pressing things at hand and less picked over than Glenaham’s brutal batting. This week’s episode leaves us with more questions than survivors answers and if Maggie can move on, so can we.

Wave of Mutilation

It’s clear that Negan is a sick son of a bitch, but what is even more troubling is the devotion of his followers. Last season, when Rick & Co. were on a murder rampage in one of the Savior’s compounds we saw a wall of Lucille-death polaroids (it was basically the apocalyptic equivalent of an Instagram feed). It’s clear that Negan literally beats people into submission. And with Daryl being dragged back to their camp, we can only assume that he’s in for a world of hurt until he’s brought to heel. Will we ever see Daryl reunite with his group or crossbow? And under what circumstances can he possibly manage an escape?

Coorraaallll

Charles Manson. Jack the Ripper. Carl Grimes. If Carl’s stare-down with Negan wasn’t an indicator that he’s on the path to Serial Killer Stardom, then his bone-dry reaction to having his arm chopped off certainly is. While Rick is snot-sobbing and weighing his options, Carl delivers a dead eyed “Do it!,” cementing his newfound sociopathic tendencies. I mean do you expect anything else from a kid who had to watch his unborn sister dragged out of Lori’s dead body? I predict Carl is going to sink deeper into the pit of darkness before we see him regain his humanity.

The Offering

Negan has given the gang one week to provide a suitable offering for the Saviors. Down men, ammo, and morale the group is certainly going to feel the pinch when surrendering supplies. My guess is that they’ll fail to produce a trove worthwhile and Negan will up the ante…forcing them to go on even riskier runs.

Carol and Morgan sitting in a tree… K -I- L- L- I- N- G

Just kidding. They’re not killing anyone. Carol has been shot and we’re talking about Morgan the Monk. When last we saw them, our duo had been discovered by two men on horseback who, as devotees of the original Robert Kirkman “Walking Dead” comics know, hail from another settlement called The Kingdom. I’m pretty sure that we will be spending most of next episode there, learning about their way of life, forgetting about a certain now-slightly-less-attractive pizza delivery man, and having a roaring good time (wink wink). For a moment, or roughly 44 TV minutes, Carol is going to forget her bloodlust and try to become a gentle granny again. However, the aftermath of the Negan slugfest is going to pull the rug out from everyone and remind them that sometimes you gotta fight for your right to party.

Benchwarmers: An Alexandria Story

Well Father Gabriel, Judith, Dr Dre’s son, Tara, Enid, Tobin, Kent, Eric, Anna, Scott, Francine, Barbara, Mikey, and Spencer are at-least semi-safe behind the tin walls of Alexandria (yes these are all real characters and you can look them up here — also, shame on you for not remembering all of the tertiary shadowing lifeless background figures). But if the rules of TV have taught us anything, these people are simply waiting in line to be cannon fodder during the next big Rigan showdown. Who’s next? I’m sure episode deux of “The Walking Dead” season seven, “The Well,” will shed some light on the subject.