This season is certainly shaping up to be a master clusterf@$^k for all parties involved. Between the loss of a few of our favorite members, everyone being spread out in Westeros Virginia, and The Saviors putting the squeeze on all the local survivors, everyone seems to be stuck between a rock and a hard place.

RICHONNE ON THE ROCKS

Things aren’t so peachy back at Alexandria. With the community still grieving over Glenaham’s death and the impending arrival of The Saviors, relationships are understandably strained. The tension is most obvious between Rick and Michonne. Their individual alpha statuses were the glue holding them together ,and Rick’s new sad-puppy status is more than just a turn-off for Michonne. At the beginning of the episode, she slinks off with a secret sniper rifle and leaves Rick to mope about the house alone.

It’s been made pretty clear that Michonne is adopting some of Andrea’s storyline from the comics. The one big difference is that Andrea was the group’s best shot, and, as we learned Sunday, Michonne is everything but that. I mean, the woman can’t have everything. What’s more worrisome than her terrible aim is her thirst for revenge. Negan has made it pretty clear that any insubordination will be handled harshly. If Michonne were to shoot, and miss, it could be the end of the group as we know it.

GUNGATE 2016

As if things weren’t already grim, the Saviors decide to come trick-o-treating early. Alexandrians are clearly displeased and reluctant to give up their supplies. What’s even more insulting is that the Saviors are petty as f$*k. They take the group’s mattresses, medicine, and a few other things that start with m’s to be disclosed by Filmcore at a later date. Meanwhile, Negan forces Rick to carry around Lucille.

Although Rick is too gun-shy to actually bash Negan’s well-oiled skull in, it does make you think. What if someone just shot Negan then and there? What would the Saviors do? I’d like to believe they would just turn back into normal assholes like when you kill the head vampire and everyone returns to their normal state… but I don’t think it would be so simple. Negan has set up a group that would just resort to more violence amongst themselves until a new leader emerges — maybe one even more dangerous than Negan himself.

The group almost gets off easy until Carl pulls a gun on one of the Saviors. Carl’s arc is guaranteed to be one of the most interesting this season. One-eyed and battle-tested, Carl gives literally zero f^%k’s at this point. He even threatens Negan directly when he warns they “should leave before you find out how dangerous we all are.” If Negan wasn’t so entertained they would definitely all be dead right now. Lucky for them, Negan decides to only take all of their guns instead of their lives.

All in all, this reporter was actually surprised that the encounter ended without bloodshed (well, except for two Walkers). Negan was given plenty of attitude from Spencer, directly threatened by Carl, and lied to by Olivia. The real nail-biter will be when the group has to come up with another tribute for the Saviors.

DWIGHT IS STILL A DICK

Okay, here’s what I don’t get. Last week we spent 82% of the episode just learning about Dwight. We know so much about this guy that we can tell you what kind of sandwiches he likes and that he’s subjected to a daily cuckold via Negan and his ex-wife. So naturally I suspected that Dwight will have some sort of character arc where he flips the script on Negan and eventually joins the Good Guys (i.e. Rick and co.).

Well, we can be sure that this will still happen, but we are going to have endure at least four more episodes of Dwight being an asshole before we see this change. In all honesty, they should have just saved the sympathy story for a few episodes or left Dwight out of this episode completely. I’m just saying, we’re all tired of his unnecessary douchery and Daryl cosplay routine.

JERRY SPRINGER’D

After the Saviors are gone, Michonne and Rick have another one-on-one (and not that kind of one-on-one). Michonne wants to fight back, but Rick doesn’t want to put anyone in harm’s way, especially if they are so obviously outnumbered and weaponless. He explains that sometimes you have to lie to yourself to survive… just as he lied to himself about being Judith’s father. Judith’s parentage has been long speculated, but I don’t think many fans thought we would find out this way. It’s a hard truth that Rick had to accept in order to move on, which is what they need to do to survive under the Saviors.

I’m curious as to how Shane would have handled Negan. Undoubtably, being an obvious beta, he would have gotten Lucille’d instead of Abraham.  Either way I’m just glad that Lori’s useless self isn’t around anymore.

PREDICTIONS FOR NEXT WEEK

-We see The Saviors arriving at The Hilltop. Maggie is alive as shit and they are bound to recognize her. I mean how many hot/pregnant brunettes are in the area these days? I also predict The Hilltop is going to provide a less than suitable offering and someone is going to die.
-After being egged on by Rosita, Eugene is going to make his first bullet.
-Daryl will pretend to become a Savior. Honestly he should have done this forever ago, but maybe prolonging his own torture will make him a more convincing double agent.
-King Ezekial will meet Rick… and so will Shiva

P.S. Somewhere out there Tara and Gendry have been hanging out, waiting for their ex machina window.

“Get supplies they said, keep rowing to King’s landing, they said…”